Find Your Calm: Mastering the Self-Soothe Skill with Your Senses
Hello there darlings!
In my personal life, I’ve walked through the chaos of anxiety and stress, and as a behavior coach I’ve walked alongside both kids and the adults trying to hold it all together. Through this, I realized how important it was to that I share what I know with more people. That’s why I began creating content, inspired by my love for the kids I support.
One of my favorite strategies from behavior therapy is the “Self-Soothe” skill, which I give some examples of in a YouTube Short. It’s all about using your five senses to create a little oasis of calm, and today, I want to dive deeper into how you and your kids can make it work through personalization.
By engaging my senses, the self-soothe skill brings me back to the present moment - allowing me to put my worries aside AND feel calmer at the same time. I may light a candle for its soothing scent, play some music to lift the mood with sound, and sip tea to savor taste and feel the warm mug—three simple ways to engage the senses. This DBT technique is about giving your brain a break from overwhelm by focusing on something you find pleasant. I’ve seen it transform a tense moment into a reset button, whether it’s a teen stressed about homework or a younger child after a tough interaction. The idea is to pick what feels good to you—maybe it’s the smell of lavender, the rhythm of a favorite song, or the feel of a soft blanket.
Let’s bring it to life. Imagine your 12-year-old is spiraling over a school project. You grab a scented candle (or even a lotion if candles aren’t handy) and light it together. Play a chill playlist—maybe their favorite artist—and remind them of the taste of their favorite food. Guide them to notice the scent, the sound, the taste. It might feel silly at first, but I’ve watched kids soften, their breathing slow, as they tune into these sensations. Often, it’s a welcome distraction that becomes a calming reset. For younger ones, keep it playful—let them pick a silly song, a fruity snack, or hug their favorite stuffed animal to self-soothe. This is about teaching kids to self-regulate through what they find soothing. And if you model it, it can add a powerful component of connection and calm.
If you’d like to try this for yourself, watch the short video below or explore more tips on my YouTube channel. Notice what you like and don’t like without judgment, and add what works for you to your coping toolkit. Subscribe here on Substack for weekly doses of support, and I’d love to hear your favorites: What sense helps you or your kids unwind? Share in the comments or reply in the comments. Let’s build a calmer world together—wishing you peace, Dr. Ashley.
Try it for yourself (link to video on YouTube)